My baby shower

I have been wanting to write about my baby shower but I don't even know where to begin with it other than it was PERFECT. It truly was everything I could have dreamed of and then some! Before I go any further I should start with a little bit about my family. We love to throw parties and the second one of us decides on a party theme, all sisters and our mom get their creative juices flowing and go crazy with ideas then all pull together to make any party amazing. We all have different areas we are good at, I'd say we're a pretty great team and that has proven true time and time again. My baby shower was no exception. I've never had a party thrown FOR me, usually its for someone else and I will be the first to admit, I was a control freak and didn't let anyone help much even though time and time again I was told to chill out and hand over some control. Whoops. I did eventually and I am glad I did! Since I was convinced I was having a boy, I already had in mind the theme I wanted. Red, white and blue of course for this America loving, flag respecting girl. When I found out the baby was a girl I wanted the same theme with a girly twist. I didn't want it to look like a fourth of July party. The colors had to be a darker red, navy blue and cream instead of bright red, white and blue. Natalie found this picture and this ended up being my inspiration for the whole party. Thanks, Nat!

                            

Of course, like any good Pinterest project, mine didn't turn out nearly as perfect but it was still cute! I bought white ribbon and soaked it in tea to create a darker color and it turned out just right.

                        

Everything else was simple details all put together to create the perfect day. Trina made the cute flag banner, cupcake bow toppers, circle centerpieces and painted the wood signs, Nicole baked the healthy delicious beet cupcakes and frosting she made from scratch and printed out the party favor labels, Momma and Pam helped with the jars, picture frames, glass blocks, party favors, Nat flew in just before it and she helped with all the last minute things along with Tara, John finished up my flag wood pallet, Mom & John provided the food,  Grandma Pat provided the tables, linens and chair rentals, Mimi, my old boss lady, provided all the candy and cute bags for the party favors, cousin Jamaica made the delicious home made whip cream for the fruit, Pam made the mouth watering kool-aid, it was SO GOOD yet so bad for you and Ash sadly couldn't fly in for it but she had a ton of ideas along the way. See, parties really are a team effort in this family! Then the night before we all got together and got it organized and everything set up in the correct spot and prepared for the party! With lots of Mexican food, talking, laughing and eye rolling of course. I think my favorite thing about throwing parties is the night before when we all get together to set up and one person is usually way more stressed than need be, one is so controlling, one is setting things up not cute at all, two are off talking about one of the others being annoying and mom, well, shes usually getting slapped a time or two or ten, one (Pam) busts butt then wants to sleep and one is yelling at everyone else to help more all while Grandma Pat sits back laughing and watching it all unfold. Its fun. And funny. And I miss it. So that night we were setting up, I went inside to get some stuff together and when I went back out Pam and Nat asked for help moving a table. I went to lift it up and move it and out popped Antoinette and Natalie! Nat and her husband got stationed up near San Francisco and drove down 8 hours just to surprise me to be at my shower!!! It was so special!!! I am truly blessed with an amazing family and amazing girlfriends! Once we got a visual on how everything would be set up the next morning, we took it inside, went home, talked all night, got little sleep and were back over at Moms bright and early to get everything set up-again. It was such a wonderful day. I had my family and so many friends there to support us and celebrate our growing family. I just sat back and had so much fun talking to everyone and seeing so many people I love and cherish in the same spot. I got absolutely spoiled and had more gifts than I could have imagined and my poor guests sat through the entire time while I opened everything. Sorry about that ladies, but thank you for your patience! I just kept thinking it was such a perfect day, everything I could have imagined and more. Kyle and I had the hardest time agreeing on a name and we finally agreed with Remington Grace. We only told our family and a handful of friends and decided to keep it on the down low until the day of the shower where our guests would see details with her name all over the decor. It was fun seeing their reactions and hearing their thoughts, from the ones who loved it as well as the ones who didn't like it too much! Kyle showed up toward the end of the shower (Coed baby showers, I believe, are a form of cruel and unusual punishment) to say thank you to our guests and be put to work taking it down! All in all it was an amazing day and I'm so thankful for my huge family and my friends. Here are some pictures from my perfect day! Thank you so much to everyone who made it so memorable and a huge thank you to my momma and John for having the cutest courtyard ever that is just perfect for parties. I love you all!

                                               

A friendship made, a friendship lost.

Today I am sharing a blog written by my beautiful friend, Mia. We share many of the same emotions in this situation but she put it much nicer and classier than I would have ;) I will not use names (although everyone who knows this person knows how he turned out because chances are he burned them too) but I am forever grateful we knew each other in the first place for it is through him I met Mia. I will never fully understand why or how we could be so disposable to him and why he didn't seem to value our friendship in the way I did. The woman he is marrying must wear many hats and wear them well because she seemingly fills the void of all of his closest friends along with the HUGE support of volunteers he had around him, at his fingertips, at all times to help as soon as he needed something. I have my doubts, I think we all do, but lets hope for his sake she does. I fear the day will come he will need someone or something but will have burned all the bridges and no one will be there for him. Except when I think about it that will never happen because these people he wronged don't believe in turning their backs. They are all amazing, stand up people who would still drop everything to be there for him and its sad to think the two of them were okay with mistreating and taking advantage of people with the biggest hearts.

I remember when we first met him at the hospital. He and his story instantly tugged at my heart and I couldn't stop thinking about him. Shortly after he went to a nearby bar for the Operation Calendar signing where they wouldn't let him in because he was only 20 years old. I couldn't help but think how bizarre that was. Here is a kid, a 20 year old, not old enough to go into a bar but old enough to be sent to war, to take an IED for his country, old enough to be missing 3 limbs but not old enough to buy a drink. It is really insane when you really think about that and that truly represents so many of these amazing men I am blessed to call friends. They are all just babies-or were-when they were injured. Anyways, we became friends pretty quickly through lots of texting and events at the hospital or other events. It wasn't long before he was coming to family parties and pool parties, freaking my Grandma out as he jumped out of his chair, wiggled himself to the edge of the pool then fell in, only to resurface to Grandma laughing and breathing a deep sigh of relief. We all loved him. His personality, his determination, his joking, his don't feel bad for me attitude, the way he made fun of us and made fun of himself, the way he explained his injuries to my nephews, the way he let my nanny babies play with his "robot" hand. Not having family around, we were bound to step in and make sure he was always included, always felt like a part of our family and that he was never alone. We did and he reciprocated and all was good. Until it wasn't. And it was news to me. And all those around me. We were thrilled for him to be happy and have someone who loved him until petty things started showing up out of nowhere and the communication and texting was less and less and forget about showing up to a family party, that was out of the question. And then one day in a moment of honesty talking to who I thought was a friend, someone I thought I could be honest with and hold accountable for his inexcusable behavior, I learned very quickly I wasn't allowed to. That was all it took to set him her off. Just like that I got the boot and so did Pam because apparently we are the same person. It was almost as if she was lurking, just waiting for the one small excuse to step in and demand we are no longer friends. I did nothing wrong. I simply told him the way he was treating others is not okay because it wasn't and she sat by and allowed him to turn into a mean, cruel, entitled person he wasn't so when I saw it and said something to try to hold him accountable for his actions, that wasn't okay. Not in her books at least. So just as I had watched him push other friends away and thought how it wouldn't happen to us, it did. We were suddenly on the outskirts with about a bajillion others wondering what the heck happened. I am sad, disappointed, hurt, confused. I should say I was. I was bummed out and missing him. Until he took this turn for the worse and became someone I didn't even know, someone I am ashamed to call a friend. He truly had us fooled. Or maybe he didn't. Maybe he was who we all thought he was but the addition of his lady turned him. I'm not sure what to think or believe. I look back and think we were friends, I trusted him. I know Mia and Pam did as well. I don't know if we were all so off and couldn't see the real him, if he did a really good job getting close to us and hiding his agenda or if he was who we all thought he was but then changed. Either way the person he is now is such a disappointment. I had such high hopes for his future, I knew we would be friends for many many years to come and I couldn't wait to look back on the days of when we first met. I couldn't wait to see his progress, to look back at how he went from learning to walk on his new legs to getting down his running legs to figuring out his arm to getting a new hand to play video games with. He was so excited when I found out I was pregnant, he couldn't wait to hold my sweet girl and watch her grow up. He joked about spanking her with his "chicken wing" nub when she was naughty and racing her around in his chair yet...he's never even held her. He lived just a few miles from the hospital where I had her and never even came to visit. And that was BEFORE our falling out! It makes me sad, I miss the old him. I hope he still has the support he needs around him. I know he pushed soooo many away so its hard to think he does and that is sad. I wish the best for him and his future and I only wish things would have turned out differently for us.


And as for Mia. I am so thankful he brought us to her. Mia, you are a breath of fresh air. I can not tell you how refreshing it is to have a friend who has such a huge heart like you do. It is so nice to have someone around our age who cars to be involved, who cares to give back and volunteer and be there for the guys. You are so giving and so generous to everyone you meet. You would give the shirt off your back to a stranger and something tells me you probably already have! I am so blessed to call you a friend. I hate what he has done to you and how far they have taken it but that only speaks volumes about them and says nothing about you. You are an angel walking on earth and have been such a blessing in my life as well as all of the injured guys you have met. I love you to pieces, lady!!!






I said I wasn't going to say much but I got to typing and couldn't stop! Here is Mia's blog I mentioned before.

Friday, March 21, 2014
It's Not About the Journey, It's About the Lessons Learned.
No matter how, where, or when you grew up ; there's one common factor, a single lesson that we've all heard and subsequently ignored. As people, I can only assume we are genetically inclined to think naively and when told, "People aren't always what they seem to be," because we always think we've found the exception. And, in most cases... we're sadly mistaken. And when it realizes itself to you, you can't help but cringe at the pain and deceit you're suddenly bombarded with. 

For some of us, these people are our significant others and for some, like myself, it's a friend. Even worse: A best friend. Best friends are arguably the glue to our very being. Well, that's what happened to me. My "best and truest friend" turned out to be nothing more than a wolf in sheep's clothing. 

Betrayal never gets any easier. Especially, not this one. I smile and say all the right things but in the privacy of my own blog I feel, it's my right, to express how I really feel. And, I hope if you ever read this, I hope you know how painfully HONEST this is. 

***

You are a Fraud. Nothing more. You conned me into this "friendship," filled my mind and heart with lies and attempted to strip me from the greatest moments of joy I've ever been blessed with. All for your own selfish agenda. 

I did everything for you, literally. I fed you, bathed you, carried you, talked to you, drove down to see you at 2AM on several occasions because you were having a bad night. You were supposed to be my best friend.  

I got married, without you there. Without even SPEAKING to each other. You're getting married. I found out through Social Media and mutual friends. You were supposed to be my "maid of honor" and I committed to wearing a tux when I was your "best man." Now, we've started these new chapters of our lives and don't even speak. 

Remember when we planned on having kids together and living by each other so they could grow up together and get married? Remember when my mom would get up in the early mornings to take you to go to the bathroom? Don't you remember all the times I dropped everything to be there for you when you needed someone to travel with you, or take you to an event? 

Out of all the "breakups" I've had in my life with friends I can undoubtedly say... this was the worst. By Far. If you wanted to hurt me, to get back at me for finding happiness : You did. Far beyond your comprehension, I'm sure. 

How could you lie to me about all of those things? Why did you feel the need to elaborate on things that you didn't have too. You are a hero and I hope you have all the happiness in the world because of what you sacrificed for our country, but I don't think I could ever look you in the eyes.  

You turned stories around, you made up stories and now... you're doing everything in your power to ruin my life. Is it out of spite? Is it who you really are? Did you really fool me, and so many others? How could this even be possible. I just can't wrap my mind around this.

So many times, I still think that I need to call and tell you about something that happened... but then it all sets back in. I'm not allowed in your life anymore. And while I'm bitter that you would allow someone to break you away from ALL of your truest friends, what really gets me... what really kills me, is that you've now willingly committed to a hatred and malicious campaign against me. 

I hope you know, you've been the biggest disappointment in my life. I hope you know, you gave me the biggest blessings in my life. Not only do I have a new found understanding of life and myself... but you've given me the MOST wonderful people that I've ever met. And now, I'd like to let you know all the wonderful things that came from all of this... 

First and foremost: My amazing husband, Ethan.
      I am so glad that we held hands that first night. I was truly sold the moment I saw you. I couldn't ask for a better partner in life or a truer best friend. I am honestly honored to be your wife and live this beautiful life alongside of you. You've made all of this pain completely worth it and I'd live it all over again, one hundred times over knowing it would lead me to you... My heart beats for you and your love is the fuel to my life. Thank you for being my husband, my rock, and my shoulder. But most of all, thank you for being you. 

My Twins: I couldn't ask for a better set of best friends. You both love me unconditionally and have stood by my side through all of this. Angels in true form you both are, each one in your own and unique ways. 
    Pammy: Through about 300 hours of talking about everything and anything we've been able to build a friendship that is truly unbreakable. You've taught me a lot about people, and more about myself. You're such a strong and *independent* woman, and I admire you from the bottom of my heart. 
   Dej: From dancing crazily at a Marine Corps. Ball to holding your precious angel in my arms, it's safe to say you're one of the most wonderful women I have ever met. That compounded with our obsession with Pits and all things furry, we're quite the pair. You're a blessing in everyone's life, and touch all you meet. You sure have touched my heart in such wonderful and tender places. 
But in all seriousness, please teach me how to swim before I die at your house. 
The Barrons: Both of you are such wonderful and unique people. I love your passions for life and your continued strides for a prosperous future. You inspire me so much, each in such different ways. I can't tell you how happy I am that we've been able to build a friendship with one another. I don't think I have met a pair of more strong willed and courageous people in my life. I wish you both the best in all of your endeavors and want you each to know how EXTREMELY proud I am of both of you. 

Monique Morales: Girlie, you are just incredible. I love how much we always laugh together and I am sure glad that the government has not been listening into all of our phone calls... (if they were, I'm sure we would have been droned alongggg time ago) You're story is beyond belief and your strength is beyond words. You're like a big sister to me and I can't tell you how much I appreciate your friendship and I hope you know how much I love you! 



And to all my friends at Warrior Foundation - Freedom Station I can't express my gratitude for the relationships you have all brought into my life. You guys are my light on my darkest of days and my hope in desperation. Thank you for being the most wonderful and uplifting people I have ever met. My life has changed forever because of you and I am eternally grateful. You each have made me who I am and I love you all so dearly.  I consider you each a part of my family and am so honored to be in each of your lives.

With Special Recognition To: Sandy Lehmkuler, Boli Flores, Timothy Read, Lan Anh, Povas Miknaitis, Juan Cano



 Thank ALL of you for making my journey worth it.

Gender reveal

Well chances are if you're reading this you know by now we had a beautiful, perfect, wonderful baby girl. I'm backtracking big time here but I don't like when things are out of order and I don't want to look back on this blog with it all over the place. That will make me crazy. So, here goes.

Shortly after we found out I was pregnant my family was convinced the baby would be a boy. It didn't take long for me to have the same feeling. Kyle didn't have a feeling either way but he leaned more toward a girl. I don't remember exactly how far along I was when I found out but going to that ultrasound and keeping my eyes closed was pure torture! The technician was great and showed me my baby in different positions, it was so hard not peeking! She printed the pictures out, wrote the sex on a piece of paper and sealed it shut. I put it in the back of my car and headed straight to my work and gave it to my boss. I knew no matter how much I bugged her to just tell me she wouldn't give in! The plan was for her to go grab the correct color balloons and show up at our house the next morning with the big surprise!

We had a great turn out, our friends and family are amazing and they all showed to get their guesses in! The majority of the crowd guessed boy and we were all shocked when pink balloons floated up! The reaction was hilarious and loud and I lost the video when my phone decided to break on me. That was a bummer but I'll always remember it!

That was such a fun moment and I'm so thankful we were able to share it with some of our favorite people. I loved the anticipation and how so many people thought this sweet baby girl was a boy. That group picture with almost everyone on the boy side is too funny. I'm already looking forward to that same exciting moment with our next baby. Fingers crossed for twin girls..... ;)

Sometimes you just feel small...

I know, I know. "You knew what you were signing up for when you married him." Honestly though, if I have to hear that one more time I might go crazy.

With Kyle being a Marine I've always known we would have to move and now here it is coming up in a few days and I have such mixed emotions its hard to sort them out. I've known for years it would happen, I've had plenty of time to prepare myself for it, how can it be so hard? Oh, I know why. Throw in the fact we just had a baby and I have to move away from my family when shes just a month old, that could be a huge factor in it. The truth is yes, I did know what I was "signing up for" but that doesn't suddenly mean its easy to leave everything I know to follow him. It doesn't mean I'm emotionless and a robot and okay with it. It doesn't mean I'm not allowed to have feelings and an opinion about it or that I'm wrong for not being ecstatic and jumping with joy to pack up and move completely clear across the country. Literally. Do you realize how far away San Diego, California is from Virginia Beach?! Its far. Very far. From coast to coast far. Yet every single time I'm told I knew what I was signing up for, and it happens more often that I'd prefer, I feel like I'm basically being told to suck it up, I shouldn't have any emotions about it and I should just go quietly and willingly. That just ain't the case. I'm going alright but I'm going kicking and screaming. Okay, not really, but I'm not happy about it and I don't feel like I need to be just because I know its inevitable with his job. One part of me is really excited about it. I've always wanted to go somewhere new and try out a new place. I know this will be a whole new chapter for my husband and I to learn and grow together. It'll be healthy for us and we will have so much fun together with our little family creating memories and traditions and exploring a brand spankin new town. Our family can come visit and we can show them around a new place they've never been. I get to see seasons for once in my life and we get to teach our kids about new places and different ways of living. We will make friends that will feel like family and leave that place in three to four years having roots and so many memories we can look back on in the future. Although I'm dreading leaving now, I know in a few years that will have become home and I'll hate to have to leave there and head to his next duty station. On the flip side, as excited as I am for all of that, I just plain and simple don't really want to leave. Its so different now having Remington. It would be so much easier leaving just me and Kyle going on our way and setting out on a new adventure together but having her changes everything. I know I am incredibly close to my family and that has been frowned upon by many people. As if its a bad thing or something to love and be loved so much by my mom and sisters. We really are ridiculously close and so involved in each others every day life. I never ever wanted to or thought I would have a baby and have to leave them. I know how much I love my nephews and nieces and how much it hurts having two of them in Colorado and one of them in Portland. 5 of them are an hour away from me and even that is too far. All I want is to have Remi grow up surrounded by a family that is so full of love and loyalty. I want her to know how magical and fun her Grandma Dots house is for little kids and be excited to go there because she knows there will always be a new toy or a new book waiting for her. I want her to know the sweet sparkle in her Great Grandma Pats eyes and to be around her enough that she will remember her voice, her laugh,  her smell, her cooking, all her sweet comments and the way she makes you feel like you are truly the light of her life and that even though she has a ton of other grand kids you are the most special and important one. Somehow she makes each of us feel as though we are her favorite and I want Remi to be sitting in her lap feeling so special like she is the only person in the whole world that holds all her Great Grandmas happiness in her hands and with a smile or a giggle she just made her day brighter. I want her to be a part of last minute bbq pool parties with her cousins and cooking in the kitchen with her aunts, Grandma and cousins. I want her to grow up sitting on the kitchen counter fighting over who gets to tell their story first and eating all of the food as its being chopped and hearing my mom yelling at her threatening to cut her fingers off if she sneaks one more piece.  Staying up all night eating chips, salsa and cream cheese and drinking pepsi talking and laughing so hard she cries. or pees. or has pepsi coming out of her nose because those things happen often when all of us are together. I want big, loud family dinners with her cousins to be the norm for her. The pure chaos of having everyone in one house should be what shes used to. She should be able to grow up with her cousins being her best friends and her aunts being there for her for everything. I want her to go to them when shes older if shes ever too scared to talk to me or Kyle. I want her to look out at her school performances or her games and see her grandmas and cousins and aunts right beside her dad and mom watching her so proud of her. I see the way my sisters and mom and grandma Pat look at her now with such pure love in their eyes and I want her to see that, feel it and know it. They should be around when she gets her first teeth, takes her first steps, says her first words, celebrates her birthdays. I want her to grow up with such an overwhelming feeling of love and support and to know how important family is and what it feels like to be so so loved just for simply being her. I want her to grow up just like I did. Instead she will grow up only seeing my family a few times a year and only getting to know them through phone calls and skype. My sisters and mom will watch her grow up through facebook pictures and picture texts. I want so much more for her yet somehow I'm supposed to just forget all of that and be happy and giddy to move because its part of my husbands job. I don't know how to separate my feelings. I don't know how to look past all of the wants I have for her and forget about them and move to another state and give her a total different life than what I've always pictured for my kids. When I say I don't want to move its much deeper than just not wanting to step outside of my comfort zone. Much deeper. Its throwing away all the hopes and dreams I've had for my kids. Its not like she will have a miserable life, Kyle and I will still love her to pieces its just different than how I want her to grow up. I do love it here. I have, or had, a job I LOVED and was soooo happy at and truly looked forward to going to work every day and now I have to say goodbye to that as well. It sucks, its not easy. I get that its my husbands career and I get that I have to go but it sucks. I didn't sign up for it. I married a man who signed up for it. HE chose a career that moves him around every few years, I didn't. It obviously wasn't a big enough reason to not be with him but it was something he chose, not me. I just get to go along with it.

I don't like feeling sorry for myself because I have a great life. I love everything about it and despite everything I just typed, I'm still excited to join my husband out in Virginia and start our life together. I just feel small at the moment. You are told where to move and when to move, no ifs ands or buts about it. I don't get a choice in the matter. My husband will deploy two times over the next year and I don't get a say in that either. It just is what it is and you just gotta suck it up and deal. You truly have no control in moments like this with the Military lifestyle. And it sucks. The service members get to go and chase their dreams and pursue their careers and the spouses just have to tag along for the ride. I think thats the hardest part in all of this, just knowing I literally do not have a voice or a say at all. Not one bit. These decisions are made for us and handed to us and thats final. It is not fun having a decision like that made for you. For those of you that aren't very understanding and think I should just suck it up because I knew what I was getting into, just put yourself in the same shoes. Imagine being perfectly happy in your life and job and being told you have to move, where you have to move and when you have to move. I bet you wouldn't be as happy as you think I should be about it. Its pretty obvious I don't like change very much but I am going to do my best to make the best of what the future has in store for us all while trying to give Remington and our future kids the strong family basis and values that have been instilled in me. Maybe I should be stronger and more ready to move and maybe I shouldn't care as much and should be more spontaneous but its just so different with a baby, so different. I find myself crying just looking at her and apologizing for taking her from soooo many people who already love her so much. I know she will feel loved and special every day of her life from me and Kyle its just hard to throw away all the plans I've had for raising a family but now we get to start new and have new dreams for her. My hopes and prayer now is that the next few duty stations we will be surrounded by friends who become family who we can celebrate all the small things with. Who knows, Kyle could get out after these next few years and we could end up back in San Diego. Or he could stay in and we continue our travels. Or he could get out and we end up somewhere else. God has a plan for us and knows what is best for us and I'm fully leaning on Him and trusting Him through all of this. I'm excited to see what He has in store for us and I know He wouldn't give us anything we can't handle but this will be the hardest thing I've had to do. He sure is trusting me a lot!

Here are those crazy ladies that make it so hard to leave. I love these girls and am so thankful God gave me such amazing sisters and an incredible Angel of a mom. Below is my baby girl with her cousins I so badly want her to grow up with.

Next time I blog it'll be from my new house in Virginia. Crazy.

From positive to negative and back to positive.

I wasn't sure if I would post about this or not but after going through it and having so many close friends and family to talk about it with I realized how common it is. It made me feel a little less alone and like I was still normal and something wasn't abnormally wrong with me. Since it happened, unfortunately, a few of my other friends have met the same fate which is what has led me to write about it. That and I feel in order to talk about my current pregnancy I feel like I want to touch base on what got us here.


Kyle and I got married November 2010 and decided to start doing those things only married people do unprotected and whenever I got pregnant, I got pregnant. He deployed to Afghanistan 10 months later and we thought for sure I would be pregnant by then but it didn't happen. When he got home in April 2012 we started trying again. Not necessarily trying for a baby, we didn't really plan it, but if it happened we wouldn't mind either and obviously not using protection we knew the chances we were taking. Time kept passing and we were both beginning to think maybe something was wrong with either me or him since I still wasn't getting pregnant. Then, to our surprise, in January I had a couple of symptoms along with being late so we took a few tests and they were positive. And just as shockingly as it came, it went.

To say we were shocked is an understatement. Kyle was jumping around, picking me up, all sorts of excited and happy and tearing up and couldn't believe it. I saw my life flash before my eyes and I was in a panic. I would actually have to DELIVER a BABY. WHAT. That thought alone still sends me into a panic but I got over it and let the excitement set in. We facetimed with his parents and told them our news, they were pretty excited. We facetimed with my pregnant sister Natalie and her husband and they were freaking out. When Pam got home we told her and in typical Pam fashion she kept cussing and didn't believe us but quickly hopped on board to go grab a few things to go tell our parents, grandma and other sisters. We got home and skyped with my sister, Ashley and her husband and kids. We made little onesies with sayings on it and showed it to them and they freaked out as well. After that we headed over to my mom and step dads with a box wrapped with pink and blue balloons inside. Lots of tears, hugs, and pictures later we walked next door to my Grandmas house and had her open a shirt with a phrase on it that I've always wanted to use to tell her I was pregnant. Long story short her and her friends made up their own cuss word when they were in high school and I always wanted to incorporate that but was never sure if she would still be alive when I finally became pregnant. Luckily, she was and we made her the shirt! After that we drove up to my oldest sisters house to tell her and her family about it. We used the same box of balloons and she, her husband and their kids were so happy for us. I only have a couple of pictures because we recorded most of them but I'll share the pictures anyway. We were able to Skype with Jeremiah while he was in Afghanistan and share the news. All of that happened on Sunday. On Monday morning I told my nanny family, Kyle told his Marines he works with & I told two of my closest girlfriends. Everyone always says to wait 12 weeks to be in the clear so we only mentioned it to family and close friends. Good thing.

Monday night I started bleeding lightly but enough to be concerned so Kyle and I went to the naval hospital first thing Tuesday morning. What a mess that was. I took a urine test and it was negative, wasn't expecting that. Since it was negative they wouldn't take a blood test but we were able to speak to a doctor. She told us it takes up to 10 days for their tests to read and if we had been intimate recently that could explain what was going on. She sent us off with the estimate of 6 weeks pregnant and high hopes nothing was wrong but said to call if I had any cramping or extreme bleeding. Kyle was totally reassured and stoked but I know my body and I wasn't convinced. Sure enough a few hours later I was in crazy amounts of pain and having a sister and friends go through it, I knew what was happening. I called the doctor back, the same doctor who had just said my bleeding was from sex and I was pregnant and fine, and she seriously said "sometimes our bodies just have weird periods and that is what is going on with yours." um what?! Just 2 hours ago you told me I was pregnant and now that I'm bleeding a ton and cramping its just a weird period??? Right, lady.

It was painfully (literally, freakin hurt) obvious I had miscarried. It was crazy though, I'm young and healthy and have never had any health issues before, it didn't make any sense to me how that could have happened. I kept thinking something must be seriously wrong with me until I talked about it to those around me and realized how common it is. Friends and family who went on to have many healthy pregnancies and children after that made me feel like I was still normal and I didn't have any major issues going on. Then surprise surprise, a month later we had a few more positive tests. We didn't get our hopes up for a while and told our family in the lamest ways ever but after all the excitement-then disappointment- of the first time around, we kept it low key. Now here I am 7 months later the size of a cow, feeling healthy and great and feeling this baby girl rolling around and kicking nonstop. Literally. She never stops moving in there. The only thing I really question is what the difference was in just one month time. Why did I miscarry that first baby but this one is healthy? What was going on in there that made that happen? It isn't our job to know all the answers but it is our job to trust God and His plan and for whatever reason this is the way it worked out. We went from thinking about a September baby to now expecting a November baby and man the time is flying by, she's almost here! I'm thankful for the woman in my life who talked to me and shared their stories with me. I have since been able to talk to a few girlfriends who have confided in me and its just good to know you're not alone. Kyle was a great support and was extremely loving and compassionate and caring. Well, other than the few completely inappropriate jokes he made trying to lighten the mood about miscarriages. For those of you who know my husband you know there are many "OMG I can't even believe he said that!!!" moments and he sure didn't disappoint even with such a serious topic. That man. I can't take him anywhere.

Enough rambling. I just wanted to share so anyone going through something similar can know there is hope, it is possible to have a healthy pregnancy afterwards. Hang in there, stay positive and if you need to, talk about it with those around you. I bet you'll be surprised at how many woman you know that have miscarried. It isn't really something everyone talks about often but once you mention you're going through it you'll hear from lots of ladies who have experienced it as well. I certainly wasn't expecting it to happen to me but it did and it has led us to where we are now with this little miss waiting to make her appearance! We are so excited to meet her!!!


The videos of Kyles Mom and step dad being told along with Natalie and Mike, Pam cussing and Trina opening the box of balloons are awesome and hilarious but I'll just upload a few pictures to honor the short little life that baby lived inside of me. Until we meet again little Angel baby...

Grandma didn't get it for the longest time.