From positive to negative and back to positive.

I wasn't sure if I would post about this or not but after going through it and having so many close friends and family to talk about it with I realized how common it is. It made me feel a little less alone and like I was still normal and something wasn't abnormally wrong with me. Since it happened, unfortunately, a few of my other friends have met the same fate which is what has led me to write about it. That and I feel in order to talk about my current pregnancy I feel like I want to touch base on what got us here.


Kyle and I got married November 2010 and decided to start doing those things only married people do unprotected and whenever I got pregnant, I got pregnant. He deployed to Afghanistan 10 months later and we thought for sure I would be pregnant by then but it didn't happen. When he got home in April 2012 we started trying again. Not necessarily trying for a baby, we didn't really plan it, but if it happened we wouldn't mind either and obviously not using protection we knew the chances we were taking. Time kept passing and we were both beginning to think maybe something was wrong with either me or him since I still wasn't getting pregnant. Then, to our surprise, in January I had a couple of symptoms along with being late so we took a few tests and they were positive. And just as shockingly as it came, it went.

To say we were shocked is an understatement. Kyle was jumping around, picking me up, all sorts of excited and happy and tearing up and couldn't believe it. I saw my life flash before my eyes and I was in a panic. I would actually have to DELIVER a BABY. WHAT. That thought alone still sends me into a panic but I got over it and let the excitement set in. We facetimed with his parents and told them our news, they were pretty excited. We facetimed with my pregnant sister Natalie and her husband and they were freaking out. When Pam got home we told her and in typical Pam fashion she kept cussing and didn't believe us but quickly hopped on board to go grab a few things to go tell our parents, grandma and other sisters. We got home and skyped with my sister, Ashley and her husband and kids. We made little onesies with sayings on it and showed it to them and they freaked out as well. After that we headed over to my mom and step dads with a box wrapped with pink and blue balloons inside. Lots of tears, hugs, and pictures later we walked next door to my Grandmas house and had her open a shirt with a phrase on it that I've always wanted to use to tell her I was pregnant. Long story short her and her friends made up their own cuss word when they were in high school and I always wanted to incorporate that but was never sure if she would still be alive when I finally became pregnant. Luckily, she was and we made her the shirt! After that we drove up to my oldest sisters house to tell her and her family about it. We used the same box of balloons and she, her husband and their kids were so happy for us. I only have a couple of pictures because we recorded most of them but I'll share the pictures anyway. We were able to Skype with Jeremiah while he was in Afghanistan and share the news. All of that happened on Sunday. On Monday morning I told my nanny family, Kyle told his Marines he works with & I told two of my closest girlfriends. Everyone always says to wait 12 weeks to be in the clear so we only mentioned it to family and close friends. Good thing.

Monday night I started bleeding lightly but enough to be concerned so Kyle and I went to the naval hospital first thing Tuesday morning. What a mess that was. I took a urine test and it was negative, wasn't expecting that. Since it was negative they wouldn't take a blood test but we were able to speak to a doctor. She told us it takes up to 10 days for their tests to read and if we had been intimate recently that could explain what was going on. She sent us off with the estimate of 6 weeks pregnant and high hopes nothing was wrong but said to call if I had any cramping or extreme bleeding. Kyle was totally reassured and stoked but I know my body and I wasn't convinced. Sure enough a few hours later I was in crazy amounts of pain and having a sister and friends go through it, I knew what was happening. I called the doctor back, the same doctor who had just said my bleeding was from sex and I was pregnant and fine, and she seriously said "sometimes our bodies just have weird periods and that is what is going on with yours." um what?! Just 2 hours ago you told me I was pregnant and now that I'm bleeding a ton and cramping its just a weird period??? Right, lady.

It was painfully (literally, freakin hurt) obvious I had miscarried. It was crazy though, I'm young and healthy and have never had any health issues before, it didn't make any sense to me how that could have happened. I kept thinking something must be seriously wrong with me until I talked about it to those around me and realized how common it is. Friends and family who went on to have many healthy pregnancies and children after that made me feel like I was still normal and I didn't have any major issues going on. Then surprise surprise, a month later we had a few more positive tests. We didn't get our hopes up for a while and told our family in the lamest ways ever but after all the excitement-then disappointment- of the first time around, we kept it low key. Now here I am 7 months later the size of a cow, feeling healthy and great and feeling this baby girl rolling around and kicking nonstop. Literally. She never stops moving in there. The only thing I really question is what the difference was in just one month time. Why did I miscarry that first baby but this one is healthy? What was going on in there that made that happen? It isn't our job to know all the answers but it is our job to trust God and His plan and for whatever reason this is the way it worked out. We went from thinking about a September baby to now expecting a November baby and man the time is flying by, she's almost here! I'm thankful for the woman in my life who talked to me and shared their stories with me. I have since been able to talk to a few girlfriends who have confided in me and its just good to know you're not alone. Kyle was a great support and was extremely loving and compassionate and caring. Well, other than the few completely inappropriate jokes he made trying to lighten the mood about miscarriages. For those of you who know my husband you know there are many "OMG I can't even believe he said that!!!" moments and he sure didn't disappoint even with such a serious topic. That man. I can't take him anywhere.

Enough rambling. I just wanted to share so anyone going through something similar can know there is hope, it is possible to have a healthy pregnancy afterwards. Hang in there, stay positive and if you need to, talk about it with those around you. I bet you'll be surprised at how many woman you know that have miscarried. It isn't really something everyone talks about often but once you mention you're going through it you'll hear from lots of ladies who have experienced it as well. I certainly wasn't expecting it to happen to me but it did and it has led us to where we are now with this little miss waiting to make her appearance! We are so excited to meet her!!!


The videos of Kyles Mom and step dad being told along with Natalie and Mike, Pam cussing and Trina opening the box of balloons are awesome and hilarious but I'll just upload a few pictures to honor the short little life that baby lived inside of me. Until we meet again little Angel baby...

Grandma didn't get it for the longest time.