I was at church a few months ago when our pastor touched on judging. He was basically making fun of people and how they are always saying "don't judge me" for ridiculous reasons. Kyle had his hand on my knee, gave it a squeeze and laughed because I always say that to him, mostly when I'm still hungry after having seconds and going for thirds. And he is always, always judging. In a loving-I-can't-believe-you're-really-eating-more-food type of way, of course ;) In reality, it got me thinking how often that phrase is used and how much value it even holds anymore. Not to mention it is the topic Pam and I were on Dr. Phil for, afterall. haha. No one likes being judged yet each one of us is guilty of judging. Whether its seeing someone at the grocery store and making a snap judgment based on their appearance or hearing about a single mom of a few kids struggling to make ends meet while announcing shes expecting again or watching through your computer screen as your facebook friend is going out again or judging parents for the way their kids were acting in public. Speaking from personal experience here, getting questions or judgmental comments as to why Pam and I would pose in bikinis in a calendar. Why? Because we were presented with the opportunity and we wanted to, that's why! Also because it was raising money, and it raised a prettttty penny, for Warrior Foundation Freedom Station, that's why. Also because it really doesn't affect a single person other than myself and my husband, who I spoke with beforehand and he was totally fine with it, that's why. When someone starts questioning your actions, you feel the need to defend yourself to justify why you made that choice. Hence what I just did. Its a natural response to feeling somewhat attacked. The question is, when are we allowed to judge? When is it crossing the line? When does it go from you being a caring friend, sibling, spouse, etc to being the judgmental one? I know there are definitely those people out there who are straight up rude and criticize everything those around them do so I'm not talking about those types of people. I'm talking about the ones who are supportive but when an issue arises, brings it up to you. Its like balancing on a tight rope. You stay nice and quiet and keep your mouth shut, go along and agree with those around you and you're good to go. The second you open your mouth and start saying hey, wait a second here, you're tilting to the side and the more you try to express your concern, the faster you lose your balance then you quickly fall. I have been guilty of putting friends and my sisters (sorry, ladies) up on that tightrope and after experiencing it myself, I can see how frustrating it is. It doesn't make any sense to me how you can be friends with someone who you confide in, someone who confides in you, someone you trust. This person can give you advice and make comments and sometimes come across as judging, I mean, mega bigtime judging. Yet when they bring up an issue going on with them and you're-GASP-honest with them, it turns into you being too judgmental because not everyone lives the same and does everything the same, don't you know? Live and let live, DUH. This is where my confusion lies. Isn't being a friend being honest and voicing concern when you see it? I know a lot of it lies in the presentation and tone of voice and how you're voicing that concern but when you're actually a friend, doing it out of good intentions, how can you go so wrong? Or is the one on the receiving end taking it the wrong way, quick to throw out the "you're judging me" phrase as to lessen the reality of what was said? Because if you think about it and think those words are true, you have to act upon them. You can't act upon them if it isn't brought to your attention, causing you to still live in denial. I don't know about you but if I'm confiding in a friend about marriage, kid, family or friend struggles, I want advice. That is why I'm talking to you. Not just to gossip and run my mouth, I am over that age and stage thankyouverymuch, I am reaching out for advice. I'm not opening up to hear a sugarcoated response. If my behavior toward my sister was uncalled for and I owe her an apology, I want you to tell me. If my husband and I are acting stupid toward each other and our words or actions are detrimental to our marriage, I want you to tell me. If I'm making bad parenting decisions, I want you to tell me. If I'm being inconsiderate toward a friend, I want you to tell me. If you, a friend I trust enough to confide in, can't hold me accountable for my actions, who can?! I'm not going to you so you can tell me I'm right all the time (though when I AM right, I want to hear it!!) I'm going to you so you can verbally smack me around a little bit if need be. Because sometimes I need it. And sometimes you need it. When you're telling me crazy stories and asking what I would do-then I tell you what I would do-how does that make me judgmental? You asked what I, let me say that again, I, would do. Not what I think you should do. But even if you did ask that, am I not allowed to answer honestly? As a friend, are you not allowed to try to whip me into shape when you see a part of my life isn't going so hot? Call me crazy but I think that is part of the responsibility of being a friend. So as I listen to stories and I see things on facebook or other blogs or stupid quotes on instagram about judging, I can't help but roll my eyes so hard they almost fall out of my head. Not everyone is judging you and if you feel that way, you should probably stop playing the victim and think about situations when you have been the one being a little judgy judgy. We are all guilty. I will probably look at instagram later tonight and judge a picture. It happens. Don't act like you're above it. Do, however, stop acting like a friend giving you advice on a topic you told them about is judging. It isn't.
Thursday, April 16, 2015
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Snow Day!
Hi guys! To many of you the snow may be no big deal because its the usual but for a couple of San Diego girls, it. is. AWESOME. This was actually Pams first time seeing snow like this so it was really fun watching it through her eyes. I mean I'm no snow pro but I lived here last year when we got more than this and I've been to visit my in laws in Minnesota a few times during the winter. Either way, it is magical! It started coming down Monday night so we went out to play a little bit. The most fascinating thing to me is how bright it stayed outside all night long. It was so cool. Kyle and I got work off since pretty much everything around here shut down (day 3 and schools are still closed) so we took full advantage and went sledding down a small little dirt mound that had just enough snow to launch us down hill. Later Pam and I went out to see what a snow covered beach is all about! We did a little sledding with our boogie board and quickly decided we love sunny beaches way more than snowy beaches! Here are a few pictures and a quick video recap of our day.
And now a video with a few funny fails.
Monday, January 12, 2015
To the kidless girls: it's not you, it's the moms.
Lately I feel as though I have been reading more and more blogs written by tired, weary moms attempting to explain why they can't hang out anymore now that they are parents and condemning their non parent friends for just not understanding. "You just don't get it." "Wait until you have kids." "One day when you have kids, you'll understand and you'll apologize to me." Hold up. Wait. What am I reading?! Everyone always told me to watch my tongue because until I have kids of my own, I can't have an opinion. Welp, I'm here now with my own kid and I certainly have an opinion. However, I'm sure I will hear "well you only have one kid" or "wait until she's 3 years old" or "once you have more than one kid then you can have an opinion" as if I must earn the motherhood title of sleepless nights, messy hair, snotty yoga pants and tantrums in the middle of the grocery store 500 times before I'm allowed to have an opinion. When reading these blogs of these moms seemingly putting their "old" friends down for not understanding parenthood, I can't help but think what jerks they are.
Here's the thing. I get it, I totally do. The first few months of Remingtons life she would sleep anywhere through any noise so I didn't mind going out to a late dinner or over to a friends for a movie and game night. When she needed a routine and wouldn't sleep as easily anymore, I knew staying at friends until 11 pm playing games had to stop. I know the feeling of feeling bad and knowing you need to get your sweet baby to sleep and wanting to get out of somewhere. I know the feeling of a meltdown and wanting the crying to stop. I know the feeling of getting my girl down for bed at 8 and being done for the night, wanting nothing more than to cuddle up next to my husband on the couch and zone out. However, it is our choice we made to have babies and we shouldn't let our kidless friends suffer and lose our friendships just because we had a kid. I mean if we have friends asking us to go party and go to bars and only wanting to hang out at 10 pm on week nights all the time then fine, okay, I'd be saying ya um no thanks. However reading some blogs, apparently friends asking moms to lunch is a crime or asking to do a 6pm dinner is wrong. One blog went on and on about how her friend asked her to meet her on her lunch break to catch up but how dare she, her kids NEED A NAP, darn it, she's so clueless to think she can just uproot nap time and meet for lunch, how selfish and unrealistic, she just has no clue what its like to be a parent blah blah blah. Once again, I get kids and routine and attitudes and crying and how doing lunch sometimes just doesn't sound enjoyable when you have a kid. However would it really kill you or your kid to either do an early nap or push it back a little bit later? ONE DAY won't be the end of the world, it just won't. When your friend is making an attempt to actually be friends, at a reasonable hour, you suck it up and you do it, even if that means a whiney kid. Because here's the deal-YOU HAVE A FRIEND!!! Who wants to see you and invest time in you and see your kids!!! You do what you need to do to work on that friendship. It just seems like the blame is always on the friend without kids for not understanding and for stopping the phone calls to hang out. Well, when you're told no so many times, why would you continue to call? You have to shoulder some of the blame as well. When I see moms talking about how they don't have anything in common with their kidless friends anymore, it just makes me think they should stop focusing on that and instead focus on what they DO have in common. Considering you are friends, there should be many commonalities but the one thing you can BOTH relate on, no matter what, is what life was like prekids. So sure they might not understand you can't just be spontaneous anymore but YOU UNDERSTAND what it was like to just pick up and do something without taking half your house with you and worrying about who will be in what mood and if someone will have a melt down. You understand what it was like to just wander Target aimlessly for hours, sipping on a soda and sharing popcorn daydreaming how you'd decorate rooms and trying on clothes just for fun. You understand what its like to go see a movie or grab lunch or go to dinner with a few girlfriends and laugh all night long or even just go to a friends and hang out and talk. And to be honest, I think us moms would be a hell of a lot better off if we would take our kidless friends up on their offers more often. Even if that means-gasp-derailing your kids schedule for a day or two here and there. Even if that means being so tired after getting the kids to bed but mustering up to get to a friends house or out to dinner. Not only do you NEED it, but you DESERVE it. Even if you're tired, going to see friends will liven you up and give you some much needed laughter and time away so it will benefit you regardless.
As if figuring out the right time wasn't enough these kidless friends are doing wrong, they never factored in how a mom will be tired the next day. HeeeellllooooOOOOOOOOO do they not realize I have to wake up early in the morning with kids and be pulled in ten different directions all day and not have a minute to myself? Gosh how dumb are those friends to seriously think I can just stay out late these days blah blah blah. Again, to that I say GET OVER YOURSELF. You can and will survive on a little less sleep than normal for one day. You aren't going to die. I promise you will make it out alive. Not only do you have to wake up early but your friends do too. They have to go to work or school and meet their commitments, they have a life too. Just because you have kids doesn't suddenly mean your friends lives are less important or more simple. They will be tired but they'll rally to hang out with you because they CARE about you and WANT to see you. If you'd stop being so selfish and expecting everyone to cater to you just because you have kids, maybe you'd realize that and make more of an effort to see your friends, too. You can only pull the mom-card so many times and to be honest, before I was a parent I may have given you the benefit of the doubt and trusted you are too busy for me. But now that I'm in the midst of motherhood, I know there are plenty of moments you can make time for friends and even more importantly, times you NEED to surround yourself with friends.
The most offensive I've seen is one blog that went so far as to say why their non kids friends just aren't fun to hang out with anymore and how they'd prefer friends with kids. Are you kidding me?!?! Obviously its easier to go to a friends house that has toys everywhere so your kid can play and its all babyproof and all that good stuff but how the heck do you think you're making your friends feel by saying that,or even worse, proving it by suddenly only have friends with kids? How would you feel if your friend straight up stopped being by your side just because you have children? Only hung out with work friends and never made an effort to see you? It would be a real disappointment and you would feel like your kids are a huge burden on their life. Its a two way street. Your actions by choosing to drift away from your kidless friends can and does hurt them, too. Think about it this way. Our lives changed drastically the second we became parents. Suddenly we experienced this overwhelming love and we had a new best friend we want to dedicate all of our time to. We have so much fun with our babies every single day and they are able to fill a void of friends, because they are our best friends. Your kidless friends however didn't have anything change. Their lives are still the same but they are missing a huge part of it. You. We get caught in the day to day of being a mom and we love it and the days pass quickly and we may not even miss certain friends because we are so busy but your friend misses you and we have to be aware of that.
I guess the reason why this bothers me so much to the point where I'm writing about it is because one thing I CAN NOT STAND is a "poor me" attitude. I HATE IT!!!!! I can not emphasize enough how much I hate it and how that mindset will eat away at a person little by little. If you don't like something in your life--CHANGE IT. Anyways so these blogs have such an underlying tone of how everyone should feel sorry for them because they're a mom and their days are long and they can't do what they want anymore and their old friends just don't understand and wah wah wah wah WAH. I think the person who doesn't understand is YOU, fellow mom. You don't understand what its like to be a friend anymore. You don't understand that just because your world revolves around your kids doesn't mean your friends does. You don't understand that your friends are allowed to miss you and want your company, even if that means inopportune times for you or late night hang outs. You don't understand that you need to take a damn chill pill and dig deep and find that person you were before kids. You don't understand that your friends lives matter too and just because they aren't parents yet doesn't mean their lives are any less important than yours. You don't understand that you can release the control a little bit and leave your kids with your husbands or find a babysitter every now and then to get yourself a break and some girl time. You don't understand that inviting your friend over after they get off work to partake in the rush of dinnertime, dishes, bathtime and bedtime isn't always fun or something they want to do. (Heck, sometimes it isn't even something you want to do!) You don't understand the importance and value in girl time anymore. You are all making it very clear you no longer understand the meaning of friendship and thats a very sad thing.To my momma, sisters and friends back home and my girlfriends who are all spread about thanks to the wonderful Military lifestyle-I miss you all dearly and cherish your friendships more than you know. I only wish I could ditch my kid every now and then for girls nights. And to my friends here-thanks for being understanding of having girls nights at my house after Remi goes down because its easier for me. I promise I will make a better effort to not get caught up in mom life and see you more often, without my girl causing chaos around us! To the rest of you moms stuck in this negative mindset harboring anger at your kidless friends-I hope you will realize how lucky you are to actually have your friends present and nearby and I hope you start taking advantage of that. It is great for you but also great for your kids to grow up with as many people around them as possible that love them, cherish them and make them feel special. When you start cutting your good friends out of your life for such stupid reasons, you are doing your kids a disservice by getting rid of perfectly good adults who will show them love. Keep them around, no one ever regrets having good, solid friends and the truth is you can't have too many.
Here's the thing. I get it, I totally do. The first few months of Remingtons life she would sleep anywhere through any noise so I didn't mind going out to a late dinner or over to a friends for a movie and game night. When she needed a routine and wouldn't sleep as easily anymore, I knew staying at friends until 11 pm playing games had to stop. I know the feeling of feeling bad and knowing you need to get your sweet baby to sleep and wanting to get out of somewhere. I know the feeling of a meltdown and wanting the crying to stop. I know the feeling of getting my girl down for bed at 8 and being done for the night, wanting nothing more than to cuddle up next to my husband on the couch and zone out. However, it is our choice we made to have babies and we shouldn't let our kidless friends suffer and lose our friendships just because we had a kid. I mean if we have friends asking us to go party and go to bars and only wanting to hang out at 10 pm on week nights all the time then fine, okay, I'd be saying ya um no thanks. However reading some blogs, apparently friends asking moms to lunch is a crime or asking to do a 6pm dinner is wrong. One blog went on and on about how her friend asked her to meet her on her lunch break to catch up but how dare she, her kids NEED A NAP, darn it, she's so clueless to think she can just uproot nap time and meet for lunch, how selfish and unrealistic, she just has no clue what its like to be a parent blah blah blah. Once again, I get kids and routine and attitudes and crying and how doing lunch sometimes just doesn't sound enjoyable when you have a kid. However would it really kill you or your kid to either do an early nap or push it back a little bit later? ONE DAY won't be the end of the world, it just won't. When your friend is making an attempt to actually be friends, at a reasonable hour, you suck it up and you do it, even if that means a whiney kid. Because here's the deal-YOU HAVE A FRIEND!!! Who wants to see you and invest time in you and see your kids!!! You do what you need to do to work on that friendship. It just seems like the blame is always on the friend without kids for not understanding and for stopping the phone calls to hang out. Well, when you're told no so many times, why would you continue to call? You have to shoulder some of the blame as well. When I see moms talking about how they don't have anything in common with their kidless friends anymore, it just makes me think they should stop focusing on that and instead focus on what they DO have in common. Considering you are friends, there should be many commonalities but the one thing you can BOTH relate on, no matter what, is what life was like prekids. So sure they might not understand you can't just be spontaneous anymore but YOU UNDERSTAND what it was like to just pick up and do something without taking half your house with you and worrying about who will be in what mood and if someone will have a melt down. You understand what it was like to just wander Target aimlessly for hours, sipping on a soda and sharing popcorn daydreaming how you'd decorate rooms and trying on clothes just for fun. You understand what its like to go see a movie or grab lunch or go to dinner with a few girlfriends and laugh all night long or even just go to a friends and hang out and talk. And to be honest, I think us moms would be a hell of a lot better off if we would take our kidless friends up on their offers more often. Even if that means-gasp-derailing your kids schedule for a day or two here and there. Even if that means being so tired after getting the kids to bed but mustering up to get to a friends house or out to dinner. Not only do you NEED it, but you DESERVE it. Even if you're tired, going to see friends will liven you up and give you some much needed laughter and time away so it will benefit you regardless.
As if figuring out the right time wasn't enough these kidless friends are doing wrong, they never factored in how a mom will be tired the next day. HeeeellllooooOOOOOOOOO do they not realize I have to wake up early in the morning with kids and be pulled in ten different directions all day and not have a minute to myself? Gosh how dumb are those friends to seriously think I can just stay out late these days blah blah blah. Again, to that I say GET OVER YOURSELF. You can and will survive on a little less sleep than normal for one day. You aren't going to die. I promise you will make it out alive. Not only do you have to wake up early but your friends do too. They have to go to work or school and meet their commitments, they have a life too. Just because you have kids doesn't suddenly mean your friends lives are less important or more simple. They will be tired but they'll rally to hang out with you because they CARE about you and WANT to see you. If you'd stop being so selfish and expecting everyone to cater to you just because you have kids, maybe you'd realize that and make more of an effort to see your friends, too. You can only pull the mom-card so many times and to be honest, before I was a parent I may have given you the benefit of the doubt and trusted you are too busy for me. But now that I'm in the midst of motherhood, I know there are plenty of moments you can make time for friends and even more importantly, times you NEED to surround yourself with friends.
The most offensive I've seen is one blog that went so far as to say why their non kids friends just aren't fun to hang out with anymore and how they'd prefer friends with kids. Are you kidding me?!?! Obviously its easier to go to a friends house that has toys everywhere so your kid can play and its all babyproof and all that good stuff but how the heck do you think you're making your friends feel by saying that,or even worse, proving it by suddenly only have friends with kids? How would you feel if your friend straight up stopped being by your side just because you have children? Only hung out with work friends and never made an effort to see you? It would be a real disappointment and you would feel like your kids are a huge burden on their life. Its a two way street. Your actions by choosing to drift away from your kidless friends can and does hurt them, too. Think about it this way. Our lives changed drastically the second we became parents. Suddenly we experienced this overwhelming love and we had a new best friend we want to dedicate all of our time to. We have so much fun with our babies every single day and they are able to fill a void of friends, because they are our best friends. Your kidless friends however didn't have anything change. Their lives are still the same but they are missing a huge part of it. You. We get caught in the day to day of being a mom and we love it and the days pass quickly and we may not even miss certain friends because we are so busy but your friend misses you and we have to be aware of that.
I guess the reason why this bothers me so much to the point where I'm writing about it is because one thing I CAN NOT STAND is a "poor me" attitude. I HATE IT!!!!! I can not emphasize enough how much I hate it and how that mindset will eat away at a person little by little. If you don't like something in your life--CHANGE IT. Anyways so these blogs have such an underlying tone of how everyone should feel sorry for them because they're a mom and their days are long and they can't do what they want anymore and their old friends just don't understand and wah wah wah wah WAH. I think the person who doesn't understand is YOU, fellow mom. You don't understand what its like to be a friend anymore. You don't understand that just because your world revolves around your kids doesn't mean your friends does. You don't understand that your friends are allowed to miss you and want your company, even if that means inopportune times for you or late night hang outs. You don't understand that you need to take a damn chill pill and dig deep and find that person you were before kids. You don't understand that your friends lives matter too and just because they aren't parents yet doesn't mean their lives are any less important than yours. You don't understand that you can release the control a little bit and leave your kids with your husbands or find a babysitter every now and then to get yourself a break and some girl time. You don't understand that inviting your friend over after they get off work to partake in the rush of dinnertime, dishes, bathtime and bedtime isn't always fun or something they want to do. (Heck, sometimes it isn't even something you want to do!) You don't understand the importance and value in girl time anymore. You are all making it very clear you no longer understand the meaning of friendship and thats a very sad thing.To my momma, sisters and friends back home and my girlfriends who are all spread about thanks to the wonderful Military lifestyle-I miss you all dearly and cherish your friendships more than you know. I only wish I could ditch my kid every now and then for girls nights. And to my friends here-thanks for being understanding of having girls nights at my house after Remi goes down because its easier for me. I promise I will make a better effort to not get caught up in mom life and see you more often, without my girl causing chaos around us! To the rest of you moms stuck in this negative mindset harboring anger at your kidless friends-I hope you will realize how lucky you are to actually have your friends present and nearby and I hope you start taking advantage of that. It is great for you but also great for your kids to grow up with as many people around them as possible that love them, cherish them and make them feel special. When you start cutting your good friends out of your life for such stupid reasons, you are doing your kids a disservice by getting rid of perfectly good adults who will show them love. Keep them around, no one ever regrets having good, solid friends and the truth is you can't have too many.
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Christmas card pictures!
Huge shout out to my awesome twin seester for taking some fun Christmas pictures for us on a wet and drizzly day. PS have I mentioned yet how much I absolutely LOVE that this area is right outside of our fence?! Love love love having this as a backyard! We hope you all had a Merry Christmas and will have a wonderful New Year!
Monday, December 1, 2014
Remington's dedication
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